2025
My every now and then
31st December 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, You know when I sleep cuddling Bella at night, she falls asleep with me too, and in the morning my alarm does ring, but then my lazy ass just puts it back on snooze. It's Bella in reality who wakes me up in the morning. She meows near my ear so that I can feed her and Mui. And it feels really good looking at her innocent face and those rare cute meows of hers when she asks for food first thing in the morning. So yeah, that has become a ritual now.haha. I'll start uploading their videos and photos on @ojkabf, it's just freakin’adorable. Anyways, we went to the gym in the afternoon only because in the evening we were gonna party. I got a nice fresh haircut, looks sexy, haha. I came back, ate kadhi, aloo jeera and chapati. I didn't include rice because of tonsils, otherwise I take rice in both my meals. Meanwhile we decided, we were gonna go to Dev and another couple friend's flat in Whitefield. Chalo, right now I gotta go. I'll give you all the deets tomorrow when I come back. See you next year ;)
30th December 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, Do you remember Sunny (Crib's founder) and Rupal (his girlfriend, yeah, you don't know her) came this morning from Dubai to celebrate New Year with us. Basically, Sunny likes to do M and that's the big reason he visits us, and whenever he comes, even we get a reason to do it, lol. Vice versa, I guess.
So today mostly went into chit-chatting and planning the New Year. Earlier, before when they both weren't in the picture, me, Abhay and Kashish had thought we'd go out somewhere like a hill station or a beach place. But now we are mostly gonna book an Airbnb and around 10–12 people are gonna come.
Rupal is such a nice friend to have. I wish you were here. You both, I swear, would get along so much. This is her second time coming to our house with Sunny. Last time was on my birthday only, they came and we did M. It was nice. We had booked an Airbnb in Nandi Hills. It was great getting together with everyone. I remember I texted you on Pinterest that day after waking up the whole night, chit-chatting with everyone. And once I was done, I texted you because I missed you a lot that time, looking at everyone with their partner. It's a story for some other time. Although I had told you on Pinterest only that time, around after my birthday. You had seen my texts but never replied. Alright. It's not like I knew you'd text back. I just really badly wanted to talk to you, hear your voice, just get some peace of mind even if it was for some seconds or a minute.
29th December 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, You know I've taken off for 4 days till 1st Jan 2026. Turns out there were paid leaves remaining and they can't be carried forward to next year, so I thought I'll take some time off. But I'm still working because I'm so into this product. I am heading design for our new AI tutor app we are going to launch next year in January, that's why there's a lot of work and I am excited. The design has turned out pretty good for the first version.
For months, we went into research mode, then ran testing for the web app of the tutor, got feedback, and now we are making the app and not the web app, because it's a mass product and the mass uses a smartphone as their primary device, and almost everyone has it compared to a laptop. I got to learn and use so many AI tools first-hand to build our app - MATHWISE (ab pass nahi, top karo). We are using Hinglish as the default speaking language of the tutor, which is a blue ninja mascot named Mathy, lol.
Apart from this, I'm working on a new side project of my own. I'm currently defining and creating the whole user experience of it. Won't say much right now. It's interesting, according to my sister, haha. Also, there's so much to work on in my portfolio as well. I need to update it and maybe make it better and at a seniority level.
I try to work till late, that's why I get myself off somewhere around 3 AM. At least I have Bella to hug and sleep with. She is just too lazy to go away, haha. She'll shape however you put her. She sleeps all the time with me in my room. Right now Mo/Mui and Bella are having some sort of clash. They are either ignoring each other or, at other times, giving tapli, haha.
28th December 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, Although I started with some poetic lines, I backspaced them totally, because I didn't want to go deep. It would hurt me only, and nothing would affect you. You see, I care about myself as well. That's why I'm here, talking to you like this. Still, I couldn't stop caring about you or loving you. I couldn’t see myself alone but with you, the one to whom I really gave my everything.
I have seen my happiest, most adventurous, most loved and cared for moments of my life with you. I couldn't imagine myself without you when you said you love me and want to get married. Yaar, I've never met any girl's parents before, or even had a girlfriend in the first place. You are my first everything, that “first” I've been dreaming of all my life.
Meeting my woman's parents is a big deal. Always worrying if they'd like me or not, or if I'd say something stupid, given your father's background. I love your big man, and I give him my highest respect for the man he is. I really bonded with your bhailog, with your friends, without anything to worry about, because I was with you. I was myself and everyone loved it. I loved it. Well, I'll just wrap it up for today, I guess. I'm tearing up a few drops from my eyes, lol.
Also, we got our Jeep Compass impounded today. As I mentioned before, it's been very emotionally draining days in my life, and I wanted to just let it out and have something to drink, so I asked Abhay. Usually he says no because we drink less now. Yeah, so he said yes. We bought Bacardi, Kashish, me and Abhay, we drank a few, then went out to eat something towards Koramangala, and while returning, yeah, the cops happened, lol. 15k woosh, baby, haha.
Love you ❤
27th December 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, About yesterday, I felt emotionally very weak. A few tears ran down after a very long time. The thing is, I have not been addressing my emotions or have totally forgotten that I even have any. I mean, I feel a lot all the time, but I'm unable to express it, and it has all bottled up.
I'm not able to forget you. To this day, I still wake up checking my phone to see if you texted or called while I was asleep. Although I sleep very late, somewhere around 3–4 AM… yeah, my sleep cycle is messed up. It’s not just the sleep cycle, my daily productivity has ceased to exist. Since I stopped writing, I've been feeling lonely. You see, when you went away from my life, writing to you every day kept me going. I was alone but I never felt lonely. I've been sick for the past two days with a cold and tonsils, and the feeling of loneliness has only amplified. On top of that, Abhay, my bf/flatmate, has been in an good and understanding relationship with Kashish, which makes me miss being with you all the time. Okay, let me introduce Kashish, She's a Software developer in JP Morgan, she's been here for a few months now, like 5+ I guess. She loves our cats, takes care of Abhay, of the house, and is a good friend to me. They are like the Sona and Varun of my group, which is only the three of us actually, haha. Abhay and me cut a lot of our friends along the way so that we could focus on our life goals, which we both had not been doing for a while.
I think writing is the first thing that will make a difference in my life. I guess for a few days I'll be a bit emotionally weak. I may feel low in life because of my feelings and emotions, but by writing here, I will turn them into my strength. You just see :)
26th December 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, If I don't start or do it now, it might as well never happen. You see, I've been trying to get back to writing since I stopped. Days turned into months, and I never wrote a word. I had thoughts, but not the valour to write them. It's been a long time, eh, Gigi's mother. You have no real insinuation of what I've been through. Well, I'm not saying that you haven't; you must have too. But I don't know how you are, what you're up to, nothing at all about you. All I can do is miss you and wish the best for you.
A lot has changed these past months since I stopped writing, and mostly not for the better. I couldn't tame my emotions and pain in the end, probably because I let them run wild in my head instead of here. It hurts that the only person I care about, the only one I feel like opening up to about things, life, emotions, my pain and my happiness, doesn't care at all just like that. How did you manage to do it so bravely? I tried for so long. I tried through writing. But once I stopped, everything came crashing down.
It may not make sense to you or mean anything, but this is the only place where I can make some sense of myself, where I can open up and talk about what I feel. There's a lot to catch up on and a lot to introspect. I will fill you in with everything that's happened in the past months in the coming days. Right now, I just couldn't hold it in anymore. So here I am, trying to fill the distance between you, me, and myself.
24 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I wore my new favorite joggers. I've been shopping a lot lately, and all the clothes are really good. Even today, I bought two T-shirts from High Street when we went for dinner after the gym. It was a great workout, I had a pre-workout and coffee beforehand.
I also got my new specs! They have lenses worth 9.5K, some German brand, as I mentioned earlier. Along with the specs, there was a branded pen, premium cleaner liquid, and a cloth, all packed in a case. Haha, fancy stuff, very fancy. The specs look good on me; they're frameless. There are still a few more things I need to get, but my wardrobe is looking better than ever, full and clean. It was a good day.
But I want to talk to you. All of this is just what I did today, but I haven't shared how I've been feeling lately, day and night. I'll tell you soon, once I find some stability or get back into my schedule.
23 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I finally cleared and organized my wardrobe. This morning, I woke up thinking about what's been going on lately. I've been wasting a lot of time and need to get back to my schedule. In fact, even the last time I cleaned my wardrobe and the whole room, I felt good, productive and organized. I ordered an iron because I wanted to keep my clothes neatly pressed. Now, my wardrobe looks very organized, and the room is completely clutter-free. My mattress will be arriving soon as well. Even today, on my way back from the gym, I stopped by a furniture shop to check out a study table and a bedside table. After a lot of negotiation, they offered both for 4K, but I didn't buy them yet. I'm waiting for the bed to be set up first so I can get the right measurements before purchasing. I also went to the gym in the middle of cleaning my room. The whole day, I hadn't eaten anything except for black coffee and coconut water. Later, I went home and continued cleaning, first the room, then the kitchen. Now, I have some work to do as well.
Oh, did you know? Yesterday morning, Kanye released his new album on YouTube in a long video format. I've been waiting so long for this album, BULLY, it's the first volume. Lately, I've been listening to it, and as always, Kanye surprises you with his music.
22 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, what a day. Yesterday, Abhay and I decided to go to the Bonkers store, but he just didn't wake up. It was because Aryan was here until 4–5 AM. I woke up around 8–9 AM to open the gate for the maid, after which I got lazy and stayed in bed until around 12. Then I tried waking him up, but he didn't want to. I also had to collect my new specs, so I ordered food in the meantime and went to Lenskart. The new specs are giving me a bit of a headache, probably because my prescription increased. The food was amazing, it had been a long time since I had something that good. Then Divya came over, and from that point until 7 PM, I was completely drained. I couldn't get any work done. Remember I told you one of the couples from our group broke up? Yeah, it's Aryan and Divya. Even after she said so many things about Aryan, how he cheated, flirted with multiple girls, and so on, Aryan is denying everything. I don't know who to believe now, but we're leaning towards Aryan's side because we really don't think he could do that. Plus, Divya isn't even trying to understand things. I mean, Aryan is definitely at fault in many ways, but I don't think he would have cheated on her, he's not like that. The weather was nice, but then it started raining. By the time I had to go to the gym, it was still raining, so I booked a cab. Had a great chest and shoulder workout. After the gym, things got even worse. We went home and tried ordering food, but for an hour and a half, we couldn't get anything online. Finally, once the rain stopped, we managed to order. Aryan is here too, he'll probably sleep over.
Anyways, good night, Gigi's mother. I miss you. I miss you a lot.
21 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I went to the office diligently, lol. I sat in a different seat, a corner one. Did some work. I wasn't in the mood for idli and vada for lunch, so I ordered from Swiggy's 10-minute delivery app, Snacc. The food was so bland I didn't even finish it.
By the way, did I ever tell you that our company provides us with a fruit bowl every evening? At least that way, I get to eat some fruits, although I order them every other day anyway. When I got home, I received a delivery from Bewakoof. I thought it was my exchange order, but it turned out to be another pair of trousers that I don't even remember ordering. But they looked so good that I wore them to the gym. Did only two exercises but in full new-spirit mode, haha. Had to leave early because a couple from our group just broke up, and we had to be there for Aryan. We grabbed some food from High Street, then came back home and started with one beer. Now he's gone back to her because she was saying so many things, crying, and all that. But he'll be back, and we'll see if we end up drinking more.
Anyway, good night, Gigi's mother. Where are you? Come visit me. See how I've redone my room, you never really got to be in it because it was the opposite, heh.
20 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I had a hangover, so I took WFH. I was so tired because I didn't get any sleep or food last night, just drank beer. Ordered coconut water this morning. There's this limited series on Netflix called Adolescence. It's thrilling and mysterious. The series has four episodes, all filmed in one continuous shot. The British accents of the actors sound so real. It's highly recommended and approved by me. In the evening, I had a meeting and then planned to go to Lenskart. I dropped Abhay at the gym, took the bike, and went to Lenskart. I finalized the frames very quickly. You know, going there reminded me of the time we went together to get my specs, and you used your Lenskart membership to get me the buy-one-get-one deal. They gave me a membership this time too. I got one Jacob Jones frame with Lenskart Blu lenses and another Vincent Chase frame, the last piece available, which has German Custom Pro-Blue lenses. It originally cost 7.5K, but since it was the last piece and there were no fresh ones, I got a deal on it. Then we went to High Street for dinner. Chalo, anyway, I have some office work to do. Good night, love.
19 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today wasn't my day. Since morning, I've been having bad luck. First, I woke up on time, got ready, and even wore a new T-shirt. But for half an hour, I couldn't find a cab, so I had to take WFH. Then I thought, since I'm working from home, I might as well get a few things sorted. I went to HDFC Bank in Sec 5 to collect my card, but it turned out there wasn't any bank there. Then I went to the one near Agara Lake, but they didn't have my card either. They told me to go to 27th Main, so I went there and finally got my card. After that, I decided to get new specs from Lenskart. However, the location I went to turned out to be a different brand instead. I went in to check it out, tried a few glasses, and then came home, I was done with the outing, haha. Later, I met Riya, my old school friend. We went to Socials and talked about school, but whenever I brought up startups and business, she kept yawning. It was really awkward, considering she was a studious girl herself. Lol. Thankfully, we found two more people there and partied with them, life saviors! Otherwise, the whole conversation was just me rambling about life, how serious it is, and things related to that. I didn't even know what else to talk about. I guess this is just who I am now, startups, business, and taking life seriously. She even mentioned that I gave her a headache because of it, haha. I came home around 5.
18 March 2025
@ojkabf one where @Mo was imprisoned & @Bella posed
Oh, Gigi's mother, please take me back. The only person who truly knows what's inside me, who understands how I feel every single day, isn't even there to say a word. Gigi's mother, complete silence. That's what I feel amidst all this noise. No peace of heart. Come find me. Come to Bangalore once in a while. Take some time for yourself. Make Bangalore come alive again. Oh my Goddess, people ask their Gods and Goddesses for something, but here I am, your pilgrim, asking for you. Bless me.
This morning, I realized my domain access had expired, and I needed to repurchase it, that's why the website was down. I renewed it for another two years; it cost me around 3K. Fine.
Having coffee from a brew drip coffee machine is something else. All I need now is the perfect coffee cup. Coffee means a lot. You remember that café where we had breakfast? When I mentioned buying coffee grounds from there? I wish I had known I'd be getting a coffee machine this soon, I would have bought a packet or two. I would have made you coffee from my own machine. :,)
Today, my Bonkers order arrived. The cloth quality looks good, and the fitting is nice, except for the pants. I wasn't sure they'd fit; I think I need a bigger size.
You know, I talked to Neha last night after so long. She was so happy to see me yet cursing me for vanishing from everywhere. She also changed her phone, so she didn't have my number. Anyway, it was nice talking to her. She still has two more years of MBBS. I told her, "Puri zindagi padhti rahegi," since she dropped for two years and changed universities, losing another year in the process. Her sister is getting married to her boyfriend of four years. He was also in Amity, our senior.
Gigi's mother, there's a lot of work to be done. I need to buy a new set of specs, get a dentist checkup, buy plants, go to the bank, buy a study table, get wooden pallets, set up my wardrobe, and so on.
17 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I finally set up my coffee scene. My coffee routine has been very on and off, so to fix it, I ordered a coffee machine for my room, haha! I also got coffee grounds from Blue Tokai. It looks so fancy when the coffee is brewing, and the aroma is amazing. The taste was different too, in a good way. Plus, Mo is not resting at all, she's constantly agitated and sticking to my leg. The moment the door opens, she runs away, and we have to go out looking for her, but she always comes back eventually. And honestly, I'm no better! Let me tell you, the amount of chit-chat I have with both of them is way more than I have with any human, haha! They've truly become a part of my life, so I can imagine what you and Gigi had.
Abhay knows my story, about you and everything. He even tells me to get Gigi back. He knows about the blogs too and keeps teasing me with "Gigi's mother/mom", lol.
Today, I got a fresh haircut, and it looks good! It's a buzz cut, as you might have guessed. You know me too well 😭.
Oh, Gigi's mother, I miss you a lot. I think about you all the time. All this love, to give and to receive, it's all for you. Without you, it feels empty. Please tell me how much you miss me, how much you want to text or call, how often you think about me. Please tell me you love me, I've been dying to hear those words from your heart, spoken aloud. Cherish the love you have for me, and just love me. Believe in it, believe in me. Please. I won't ever let you down.
16 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, you know, last night I was exploring JioHotstar and came across a limited series, The Great Indian Residential Schools. Its preview played automatically, and I remembered seeing a photo of GSIS earlier when you first mentioned you were from there. In that glimpse, I noticed a similar building and recalled you telling me that you had played the bagpipes at school. So, I opened it to check if they featured GSIS, and yes, it's in episode 3 of their first season, lol. I watched the whole 18-minute episode somewhere. You should check it out; there was even a clip of you, just kidding.
Today, Abhay wasn't feeling well since he came home late last night, so we couldn't go bowling. I was busy with my assignment, which I just finished, by the way. I only made one dashboard screen, he had mentioned 1-2 screens, so I guess it qualifies.
Also, Mo is so restless right now, constantly meowing and following me for attention. She's being such an attention seeker! I feel bad for her, so I'm trying to give her as much attention as possible, but she needs it full-time.
Anyway, take care, love. You are very important.
What do
you think?
15 March 2025
@ojkabf ⑴ One with Bella ⑵ One with both
Oh, Gigi's mother, I feel lost. All this time, I've been trying to find home, but it just doesn't feel right. It's not how I always imagined it would be. I just want to be at peace, in the place I've always longed for, the only place where I feel complete, where I truly feel alive. You know, all the time I spent with you in Raipur, there was no emptiness, no noise, just relief. Just peace. All it took was looking at you. Looking at the person I love the most in my entire existence. Gigi's mother, I truly love you. I know I say this a lot, but that's because it's the one thing I truly believe in. I believe you are my soulmate. You may not believe in all of this, but it matters to me. It defines me. It fuels me. This belief, this desire, gives me strength. All day, this is the moment I wait for, the moment when, for once, it's not just your voice in my head but me finally saying everything I want to say to you, whether you read it or not. You know, I started this for two reasons. First, to get back into writing, something for my own good. To write about my day, reflect on myself, my journey, my feelings… about you. And second, for you to know me. Maybe to see through me. Maybe to see how much I miss you and love you. You showed me the path to home, but now that I'm here, you've changed the address, and home doesn't feel like home anymore. I came searching for my happiness, and my happiness moved to an entirely different state. I shortened the distance between us by crossing countries, and you increased it by moving states, lol. As much as I want you to see yourself through my eyes, to feel what I feel, to see what I think, I also want to see myself through your eyes. To feel what you feel about me. To know what you think about me. Gigi's mother, give me a chance to see you, to talk to you (every day would be nice). Give me a chance to know all of you. It's like we switched roles in this long-distance equation. I'm in Bangalore, and now you're the one who moved away. I'm taking care of two cats; you had Gigi. I even posted cat selfies for you. It's been a long time since I clicked a selfie, haha. They are adorable and a handful at the same time. Bella is the classy one, she thinks everyone is beneath her but still stays where you place her. She's the lazy one. Mo, on the other hand, is a crazy little thing. Right now, she's going through a phase, meowing all the time because of those emerging hormones. We're getting her neutered soon. Anyway, I wanted a picture with them together to show you, just like how you used to send me your mirror selfies with Gigi. Sigh…
Oh, by the way, yesterday I ordered some pants and T-shirts from Bewakoof and Bonkers. One of them even arrived today, it fits well and looks good. When we were coming back from the gym, we stopped by two furniture stores to check out study tables, but I didn't like any, lol. Today, finally (again… probably), we're going bowling. It's been on hold for so long.
But all these things will keep happening. Life will keep moving. But you, Gigi's mother, talk to me, na.
14 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, before I get too high or drunk, haha, I thought I'd drop by. Not that you're reading or waiting for it. First, let me take a moment to say, oh my moir, I love you.
Happy Holi! Hope you had a great one. I miss you a lot. I only feel like celebrating Holi with you; otherwise, it doesn't feel the same. I didn't do much all day, just lazed around. In the evening, Abhay, Aryan, his friend, and I sat down to drink. Abhay didn't drink because he was already drunk on bhaang. We opened a bottle of Absolut Vodka and smoked a little too. It was okay, we ordered Subway. We watched quite a few things since we had started drinking earlier in the evening. I'm drunk now, haha. I love you, Gigi's mother. I miss you a lot. Call me to Raipur, na. I'm just one call away this time.
13 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today is my birthday, and even I didn't realize it. When I went to the office, the front guy, he is HR, approached me. I had my AirPods on, busy with work. He extended his hand for a handshake, and that's when I thought, "Oh shit, it's my official birthday." Everyone came to wish me, even on the WhatsApp group. I explained to them that it's not my real birthday, just the one on my documents, lol. But at the end of the day, they still ordered a cake, and it was chocolate. Ded. Anyway, I wouldn't have eaten it no matter what flavor it was. Even on LinkedIn, I got a few birthday wishes. This morning, I woke up on time, got ready, and booked a cab early because I had a call with Simpl's manager at 10:30. But of all days, today the cab took a long wrong route for a U-turn, according to the map, and I got stuck in a major traffic jam. I barely made it on time. The moment I reached the office building entrance, my phone rang, it was my interview call. It was nice talking to Vidyadhar, the Senior Product Manager at Simpl. He really liked my profile and asked me a few questions. It was a pretty chill interview. He assigned me a task to complete by Sunday. I just received it, so I'll start working on it now. Today, I made an office mate, he's also from Haryana. Lol, I don't remember his name; he's new.
Anyway, tomorrow is Holi. You must be hosting a great party at your resort, with a swimming pool and everything. I wish I could join you, it's a long weekend too. If only I hadn't missed those three flights earlier, damn. I don't have any plans as such. I don't really like Holi, especially the water and colors. We'll probably just sit and drink, or maybe the gang is planning something.
12 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, it's not easy being this far from you. Call me back to Raipur, please. I love Raipur more than Bangalore, it's much more peaceful. You live in Raipur, the Princess. I don't like it here in Bangalore; it's not the same as it was or as I had hoped it would be.
I was telling Vipul on the call as well, "Mera mann nahi lag raha," and that I want to do something big in life. I think a lot these days, especially after meeting you. I don't know, Gigi's mother, what I'll do without you. Right now, I feel alive just thinking about you. You fuel me. You make me desire, you make me happy, you make me feel loved. You make me, me. The past two days have been emotionally challenging. A lot of quarrels have been going on in my head. How do I make you believe me…
Today, on my way to the office, I read The Daily Stoic. Usually, I listen to music, but I wanted to catch up on my reading quota for the year. I'm already behind. But on my way back home, it gets dark, and I can't read in the cab. I came home and went straight to the gym, had a great workout. Today was my sister's birthday. I sent her some money to get her hair done. My whole family went out for dinner. Anyway, hopefully, tomorrow I'll finally have that meeting with Simpl's manager. I'll have to wake up early. So, good night, my love.
11 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, you know what? I never asked you how you felt when I first came to meet you. What did you expect upon seeing me? Did you ever think I'd come back for you? I never could get those answers. After seeing you, I've been wanting to see you again. Feels like I could book a Raipur ticket every weekend just to be around you. Just to feel whole again. Those two days with you felt like I was the king of the whole world. I had my own adventure, the one I'd been seeking for so long. You didn't open up much, and although you knew almost everything that happened in my life through the blogs, I ended up speaking a lot. Even in the silence between us, I just wanted to hug you. I wouldn't have even let that space exist between us, but I was expecting you to speak too, yet you didn't say much.
That was, indeed, the happiest and the saddest day of my life. The weight of so many emotions hit me after I saw you for the last time at the airport. Haha, I really didn't want to go. Gigi's mother, I truly believe we can do great things together in life. We'll have love, we'll have each other's backs forever. We both want to achieve something, make a name for ourselves, so let's do it together, na? Oh, and there's this song you made me listen to, one of your favorites. Let's see if you can guess it...
These lyrics don't include the song's name, so good luck guessing!
I didn’t go to the office today and worked from home because there's just too much work right now. I had a good breakfast, oatmeal and later had a paneer sandwich. This evening, I ordered two new books to read: The Daily Stoic and 12 Rules for Life. I'll start getting back on schedule soon, just need to fix my sleep routine.
Today's weather was so pleasant. In my balcony, it's always a nice, peaceful scene, haha.
Whoa
I want to know where I can go
When you're not around and I'm feeling down
So won't you stay for a moment so I can say
I
I need you so, 'cause right now, you know
That nothing here's new, and I'm obsessed with you
Then I fell to the ground and you smiled at me and said
I don't wanna see you cry, mm-mm
You don't have to feel this emptiness
She said, "I'll love you 'til the day that I die"
Well, maybe she's right
'Cause I don't wanna feel like I'm not me
And to be honest, I don't even know why
I let myself get down in the first place
You know you need to get yourself to sleep and dream
A dream of you and I
There's no need to keep an open eye
I promise I'm the one for you
Just let me hold you in these arms tonight
I'm lucky to be me and you can see it in my face
Back when I fucked my shit up too many times
Why would I let myself get down in the first place?
10 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, How are you? What do you think and feel? I often wonder. Honestly speaking, I think quite a lot actually, it's always at the back of my mind. About everything, getting things done, achieving all my goals, having my dreams come true, no matter what, and staying disciplined. I've even quit smoking. I told myself that once my room was sorted, I wouldn't smoke again. In fact, as I mentioned yesterday, my room is now a no-smoking zone, only allowed on the balcony or in other parts of the house. I've ordered all my diet food and fruits as well. Gym's sorted too, did some really heavy leg workouts.
Oh, and you know the website I'm designing for CodeChef? Initially, I revamped the website with a new font, but I also worked on it using the current one. They liked the new font but asked me to hold off and continue with the old one. And guess what? Today they told me, "Himanshu, the new font one looks good!" Lol. It's almost complete now, just two sections left, plus some magic with animations and effects. I feel like working on it for a while tonight, I'm so dedicated to this revamp!
Oh, and I had an HR call from Acko Insurance regarding a Senior Product Designer role. Apparently, I had applied quite a while back before CodeChef happened. And now they call, lol. Anyway, I called the HR person back in the evening since I told her earlier I was in a meeting. She took a 25-minute interview. I sipped my black coffee during the call and then hit the gym. Today, I finally made oats, a delicacy! I'm back on my diet now, no outside food, nothing.
9 March 2025
@ojkabf Mumma posing after getting her book
Oh, Gigi's mother, today has been a very busy day. My whole day was spent getting the house deep cleaned. Although I had Misal Pav for brunch, I'd say it was quite satisfying. I wanted to work on the CodeChef website design, but I couldn't get around to it. At least the house looks good now; all it needs is some decoration. I've ordered my washroom essentials and some other basic items. I called Mots to ask her for the wooden panel, but she neither answered nor called back. I'm thinking of getting Kanye West wall posters.
You know, today my sister took Prisha to a bookstore. Prisha wanted me to buy her a Barbie book. She was like, "Baby, send me money for my book and something for us to eat," lol.
Anyway, when I was out smoking on my balcony, since I don't want my room to smell, it's a no-smoking zone, I found the switch for the fairy lights in my ceiling. It looks nice, but I'm planning to get LED ones instead. I can't wait to show you how I'm going to turn my room into Nirvana.
Also, if I upload a picture @ojkabf, I'll caption it with something you'll definitely notice.
7 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm early today, making up for the times I've been late with my blogs. Actually, Abhay and I hang out, talk, watch movies, and eat together, and it usually gets very late. But now that the old flatmate is gone, we'll have the house deep cleaned by tomorrow. Then, I can start working on my room, decorating it, getting a mattress, a table, and a chair. Oh, and as many plants as I can get my hands on! I'll show you my room once it's done. Abhay and I have decided to dedicate an hour to discussing business and brainstorming on the whiteboard. We have two whiteboards, so that should work well.
You know, I've been thinking, if someone were to ask me, What is it you most desire? I think I'd say: to leave everything behind, this job, Bangalore and go to Raipur to start a life with you. And by life, I don't just mean living together, but building something meaningful -a life where I have you by my side, where we create something new, whether it's a business, a brand, or even the resort (to be honest, I've always wanted to help you with your ventures and give my all to them). A life filled with adventures, a lifetime together, a life of hot mex (lol), a life where I am cared for, a life of love, Gigi's mother, love.
6 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, as I told you, I had a runny nose. Today, I'm really not feeling well. I woke up on time for the office but decided to work from home. I didn't get any work done, I just couldn't. I rested instead.
Then, Karthike invited me to NIFT's fest. He told me there would be special bhaang thandai. I shouldn't have gone to drink it, it was too icy, but it tasted good. Then he gave me another drink, some lemonade with alcohol. The fest wasn't as exciting as I had expected.
I got back, slept, and skipped the gym. Woke up late, and now my whole body is aching. I ordered some medicine along with dal and roti, ate my food, and took the medicine. Now I'm going to sleep.Good night, love.
5 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, it's 3:50 a.m. now, I gotta sleep. Sorry I couldn't complete the new section of this page, but hopefully, I'll finish it tomorrow. If you click on your and Gigi's picture, it takes you to my exclusive Instagram, haha. I may not be on Instagram, but I created one on Gigi's page of myself, lol. Although it's not ready for mobile yet. There aren't many pictures because I never clicked much, you know me, you were "the one who knew how to take good pictures." I was going to post Goa pictures, but then I thought, I never really shared many photos, especially the ones I talked about in the blogs. So, just letting my designer side come out.
Anyway, I spent the whole day listening to old songs, the ones we used to listen to, the ones you introduced me to, while also working on designing the CodeChef website. Had a meeting with the marketing team; they said the hero section feels typical of the edtech sector, so they're looking forward for me adding some transitions now.
I've got a runny nose, and it's turning into a cold. Went to the gym too, did legs after so long. The most productive thing I did today, apart from gym and work, was ironing my clothes, haha. Oh, and I have a setup tomorrow with Simpl's Product Manager as he asked.
4 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I woke up on time for the office but felt commuting would be a waste of time, so I took WFH. Remember the meeting I had yesterday? It was with the marketing agency we hired. Since our company has been doing well with just organic users, they now want to invest in marketing.
The first thing they want us to change is the CodeChef website. I agreed to deliver an iteration by Wednesday. Plus, I already had existing tasks, so commuting would have wasted a lot of time, and I felt more productive at home. I spent the whole day working on the website redesign. Then the match started, so it was a mix of work and the match, lol. It was so thrilling! In the end, I liked how the redesign turned out, just needs some finishing touches. I even suggested changing the entire website font. I got so caught up in the redesign and the match that I skipped the gym since there was so much to do, and the deadline is tomorrow. I truly believe if we modernize the platform, it'll perform better, it's quite inconsistent right now. I really want to lead in making it better.
Anyway, I've been wanting to say, I miss you so much, yaar. The urge to see your face every single day, to give you all my love. I love you, woman. ❤︎
3 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Yesterday, I thought of ordering something online at the station for food as we hurried back to the bogie, but when I checked, there was no food delivery service available for the train. Sed 😪. At least I had a burger, not great, though.
I woke up around 8 AM. You came into my dreams, it felt so close to being in your presence since I last saw you. Sed!!
We reached in the afternoon, and I got home around 2:30 PM. Met Abhay, he also returned from Bahrain, Oman. Today, we bathed both the cats. What a task it was! It reminded me of how much trouble you must have gone through while bathing our Gigi. We even dried them with a hairdryer, another big challenge. Then I took a bath myself, and it felt so good. We went out to eat and had one Andhra veg meal and one non-veg. It was okay but expensive for its standard, though it had good ratings. Anyway, we came back, I did some work, and took a half-hour nap. Woke up around 6:15 PM because I had a meeting at 6:30. It went on till 8 PM, after which I had coffee and went to the gym. Had a great workout session. On our way back to Coffee Makers, we ate some ghee idli podi, some vada, some rice, and bonda. It was so good and absolutely delicious, no wonder it was so crowded, which was the only reason we stopped, lol. After that, we went to Coffee Makers. Returned home and smoked one. I made a mango shake since I had some mango left from last time, and Abhay had just bought a new grinder, stars aligned! We made a zero-sugar mango shake, mama mia, delicious!! Although Abhay added sugar to his, cheater. We've also decided to get the house deep cleaned and take care of a few other things. We're planning to start some work, whether around my idea or something new. He has some great connections.
Gigi' s mother, I need to step up now and focus on my next goal. Meeting you has made me even more motivated and inspired. I'll keep working toward the life where I feel happy, successful, and loved.
P.S. I'll soon share the photos from my Goa trip, though I don’t have many, lol.
2 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Sorry I got late. It wasn't my fault, there was no network on the train. It's the 3rd of March, and I had no idea when March even started, lol.
Anyway, I was awake before breakfast was about to be over. There wasn't anything for me at the buffet, so I just had coffee and ordered an omelet. Kiran had stayed over at his friend's place. After breakfast, I came back to the room and did some work. I called Kiran, but he was asleep. So, I just hung out with the rest of the crew and got literally bored. I thought we had planned to go sightseeing before leaving, but when I asked Suraj, he said we'd just go straight to the station. The whole day, I did nothing, thinking we had a plan. Then I was like, I'll just go somewhere myself if nobody wants to. They had ordered Behrouz Biryani. I ate and then went out to get a lighter because Kiran took mine last night. He lost his and took mine instead. Although Kiran said he'd be back in about an hour, he wasn't. Today was the match. We had a bad start, and I made a bet with Suraj on India's total score, haha. See, I was trying to get to know the office people better, but it wasn't much of a success—probably because they were office people. I mean, I made friends with Kiran and his friends, but the office crowd? I don't know. Just because of this, I called Kiran again, and he told me to come to Agasin's place, his same friend. I took a cab. And did you know there's no Ola, Uber, or Rapido in Goa? There's this app called Goa Miles to book a cab. It's a shitty app, but at least it gets you places, haha. Also, Google Maps in Goa is trippy, it'll take you somewhere totally different from where you actually want to go.
Anyway, I somehow reached. They were watching Friends, Agasin, his girlfriend, and Kiran. We smoked one and chatted for a while until it was time for me and Kiran to leave. Agasin dropped us off, and we exchanged numbers. We made a deal to go to Boiler Room if it happens in Bangalore or Goa. It was nice meeting these people.
Kiran is married to his school-time girlfriend. Agasin is dating. Agasin and his girlfriend remind me a lot of Sona and Varun.
Back at the hotel, we packed and left in 20 minutes. I sat in the car with Anirudh and Kiran. So, Anirudh is kinda the co-owner of CodeChef, and Kiran, you know by now on paper, haha. The car ride to the railway station was quiet, so I started asking Anirudh about his trip to Goa and other random stuff. Most of the people in the group were visiting Goa for the first time.
We reached the station three hours before boarding, so we decided to go out and eat. But Kiran and I went to a bar instead, drank, and watched the match. It was really interesting, and we won anyway. It was nice watching the match in a bar. I was hungry, so I told Kiran we should have dinner somewhere else after drinking, but we were getting late. So, I just packed a sandwich to eat on the way. We boarded the train. They were playing Never Have I Ever and some card game. It was fun. I was drunk too, haha, I kinda made fun of everyone.
Overall, the trip was saved by Kiran and his friends. Otherwise, it would have been a deadbeat.
1 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, we woke up around 10 AM, just in time for breakfast, which was served until 10:30 AM. Kiran and I went downstairs to the restaurant or whatever it's called. Luckily, there were some items I could eat without having to say, "I can't eat this or that." I took upma, poha, and coffee. We also ordered an omelette. After finishing breakfast, we came back and lazed around in bed. After an hour or so, we went to his friend's place, where his(friends) girlfriend was also present. We all smoked two and talked quite a lot. Then, we went to a bar they chose since they were our guides here. His friend had a car. We thought we could get Urak, but we couldn't. Meanwhile, Viva Carnival had also started, and we had planned to go see it. We drank and ate, the food was better than I had anticipated. The group planned to go to Miramar Beach in the evening. We came back before 5:30 PM, rested for a while, and then got ready to go to the beach. They made us wear our CodeChef blue T-shirts for photos. Since the beach was nearby, we walked there. They even made us pose in human letters, which spelled out "CodeChef." I played frisbee and also went into the water. It felt good to be in the sea again, and I got to see my second sunset in Goa.
Gigi’s mother, this whole trip is nothing but a collection of our Goa memories. Everywhere I go, I'm like, “Oh, this is that place,” or “This is where we passed, stayed, or hung out.” Thank God I wasn't sober at any time, haha.
Once the beach closed, we had planned to go to the carnival. But Kiran, his friend, and I had also decided to go separately because, to be honest, I didn't want to go with the office crowd. Kiran and his friends are in their early 30s, while most people from the office are around 22-24.
We got ready, but then came the confusion, where exactly were we going? Were we going to the carnival or not? By then, the carnival was almost over. The company hired a traveler to take everyone to Tito's Lane. Meanwhile, since we (Kiran, his friend, and I) had planned to go to the carnival together, we stuck to our plan. The carnival was just 3 km from our place, while Tito's was 21 km away. Kiran and I left on foot since his friends were going to catch up with us on the way. We stopped by The Pinch to check out the vibe. Kiran went inside for a quick look and then came back, and we moved forward. His friends arrived, and we went to the carnival anyway. By the time we reached, the host literally said, “Tata, bye-bye,” haha. It was so crowded that there wasn't even space to walk, but we managed. We had our first Urak of the season, followed by another one. Smoked one in the car and then headed somewhere near Tito’s Lane.
We had a Jägermeister bottle with us for some pre-booze. It was fun hanging out with them the whole time. Once we reached the place, we ordered some beers and started dancing. We had been listening to techno in the car, trying to get into the vibe, but they were playing Bollywood there, haha. Still, we danced the whole night. The office crowd had also joined us as it was nearby and left early, but we stayed until around 3:30 AM.
They had planned to go somewhere else afterward, but by then, I was totally, totally drunk and feeling sleepy. So, they dropped me off, and I just came into the room and crashed.
28 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I think I'm so drunk and high that I can't even realize that fact, haha. Let me take you back a few hours.
We arrived early in the morning at 5:30 AM at Vasco da Gama station. We had booked a traveler and another SUV. It was still kind of dark. We listened to so-called typical traveler bus songs, it was okayish. After reaching the hotel, Kiran, who is from business side of the company, asked me, "Himanshu, you smoke, right?" Then we smoked right after getting off the traveler. He told me his friend lived nearby and would bring some stash. After checking in and freshening up, Kiran and I decided to go smoke. Meanwhile, our hotel breakfast was scheduled for around 8:30 AM. His friend came in a car, and we went to Miramar Beach. We smoked there, came back, and I ate only six half-cut bananas with a black coffee.
We had planned to go to Baga Beach with the whole crew. It was too hot. I changed into a black oversized T-shirt and black shorts, the same ones I wore when I was with you. I miss Goa with you. Everywhere I went, I recalled our memories together. I even told Kiran about our Nerul experience. We had two beach sheds. Everyone went into the water at different levels, some just got their feet wet, while others went all in. I couldn't because of my nose piercing. Kiran and I got three beers each, starting with Kingfisher Strong, then Ultra, and finally Budweiser. After some time, we decided to eat at a restaurant. I didn't like the food at all, and I don't understand why everyone said it was good, probably peer pressure or maybe just because the waiter/manager asked. I really wanted to say I've had way better, or at least that it could have been better.
Later, eight of us decided to return to the hotel, while the rest went to Aguada Fort. After coming back, I did some work and chilled for a bit. Kiran's friend came over again, sorry, I don't remember his name, probably because it was hard to recall. They had tea, and just as I was about to get my black coffee, Kiran, his friend, and I left to go smoke by the beach shore. It was a nice spot, a rocky area where we watched the sunset. We could have found a better view, but it wasn't about that. We sat there for a while, then went to his friend's flat. We smoked one there while they ate some sweets they had picked up on the way Meanwhile, we selected a few places for dinner with the whole team. The place we chose turned out to be nice, the food was much better than the awful lunch. I ordered a Cosmopolitan as my first drink, followed by a beer. I had paneer tikka, but later, I was still hungry, so I ordered some fries. Once everyone was done, we planned to buy some booze and get drunk at the hotel. We got a full and a half bottle of Antiquity, along with half a bottle of Smirnoff. Not many people in the team drink, they're still figuring out their puberty, haha, just kidding. Anyway, at the moment, I'm stuck with them, trying to get to know them as colleagues. But it's okay, I made a few new friends.
And I missed Goa with you. Goa is only truly Goa with you. I love you, my love. I miss you.
27 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, So, I wasn't supposed to sleep the whole night. I could only afford to stay awake until 2–2:30 a.m., and that too just to write the blog. After that, I felt like shutting my eyes. I didn't have the energy to stay awake any longer, even though I wanted to. I thought of ordering some sabudana khichdi or something for breakfast, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get it early in the morning, as my eating window was between 6:59 and 8:57 a.m. Anyway, I set an alarm for around 7 a.m. since I had to pack for Goa as well. I woke up around 7:15, ordered curd, strawberries, mango, and grapes, I had fruit custard in mind.
I quickly took a bath, prayed, and then made a big fat bowl of custard. Finally, after almost a day and a half, I ate something. It felt so good and tasted amazing, haha. I'll make it for you sometime, it's damn good and healthy!
After that, I made a list of things I needed to pack. There were a few things I had to order, like a new pair of underwear, a toothbrush, hand sanitizer, and my first-ever power bank. The one I ordered is the coolest power bank I've ever seen! Had I seen it earlier, I would have ordered it for you instead of that Ambrane one. It's from Portronics and looks like a camera, the lens-like part is actually a wireless charger. It's one of the coolest gadgets. I've seen, haha. I also ordered some real food before leaving, idli vada and some puri sagu. Finally done with packing, I left at 12:30, and my train was scheduled for around 3 p.m. I reached the station an hour early, and others started arriving soon after. There were about 23 of us, and we had three compartments to ourselves. After settling down, we played Uno, it was okay, nothing too exciting. Most of the time, we were just teasing each other during the game. Then, when it was time for food, they had already come prepared with paneer and gobhi parathas. It was alright, but I've had better. I started looking at the stations where the train would halt for a while, hoping to get a chance to smoke. Unfortunately, even during a 20-minute stop, I couldn't, as there were too many CRPF officials around. So I asked an attendant if there was any way I could smoke. At first, he said no, but two minutes later, he told me there was a way, smoking in the train's bathroom. Even though there was a smoke detector, one of them wasn't working in our compartment. It was kind of fun smoking in a no-smoking zone, haha. When everyone went to sleep, Ravi and I couldn't. Ravi is the head of developers, and we ended up talking about my startup ideas. He liked the fitness one but pointed out some shortcomings in the second one, which I completely understood. It really gave me a push to think more and work on the idea.
Oh, I forgot to mention, I had texted Simpl's manager last month regarding something related to their app. I had even designed something for them. Now, he finally replied, apologizing for the late response and asking if I was looking for opportunities. I told him I'm working at CodeChef but would love to work for Simpl. He said, “Awesome,” and mentioned he'd take my application forward by sharing my profile with HR. Because of this, I was lost in thought the whole day. I'll tell you more later…
26 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, do you know what day it is today? It's MahaShivratri, one of the purest nights of all. Before this, I had never kept a fast, but this time, I felt a deep urge to do so. I woke up early, took a bath, and went to Sri Basaveshwara Gayatri Temple near our old flat in HSR. It was a bit crowded, but not too much at that hour in the morning. Still, I thought it would take at least half an hour, which I didn't have. So, I decided to visit another temple near my office during lunch and left. The whole day, I didn't drink anything, let alone eat. Now, you might be wondering why I did this. Well, fasting isn't just an act of devotion to Lord Shiva, it's also about self-discipline, refraining from eating, drinking, smoking, or having any negative thoughts. To be honest, I craved water more than a smoke throughout the day, haha! During lunch, I went to another Shiva temple, but oh boy, there were so many people! The board there mentioned that it would take around two hours to get darshan. Since I didn't have that much time, I returned to the office, deciding to visit after work instead. After finishing work, I came back early, spoke to my parents, and then went to the same temple I had visited in the morning. This time, the crowd was the sum of both my earlier visits combined! It took me over two hours to wait in line and complete my darshan. The temple was beautifully decorated, and children of all age groups were performing Bharatanatyam, they looked absolutely adorable. After completing my darshan, I finally bought a water bottle and took my first sip of the day. Now, I still have the whole night to go since I must stay awake to complete my fast, breaking it only in the morning after taking a bath.
Ok now, let me tell you why we celebrate this day, in case you don't know, even if you do I'd still like to mention. Here it goes…
Sati's love for Shiva was pure, defying even her father's disdain. When Daksha insulted Shiva, she chose to sacrifice herself rather than bear his disrespect. Shiva, overcome with grief, carried her body across the universe, his sorrow shaking creation itself. Her loss changed him, leading to his deep meditation, until love found him again in Parvati, Sati's reincarnation. MahaShivratri marks the night Shiva accepted Parvati, symbolizing love that transcends lifetimes. This tale teaches us that true love isn't about possession but about surrender, trust, and faith. This fast isn't just an act of devotion; it's a reminder of that love, pure, timeless, and divine. And also, I see us as the same as Shiv and Shakti.
25 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I woke up late. I thought my alarm was on, but it wasn't. So, I had to take WFH again.
Remember I told you the company was planning a Goa trip? I just wasn't sure about it. So, Suraj from my company, he's kind of HR, I think, lol, texted me asking about my veg/non-veg and drink preferences. I asked him what it was for, and he said it was to allocate rooms accordingly. I was confused and asked, "What room?" Then he asked if I wasn't aware of the Goa trip. I said no. That's when he told me we're going to Goa on the 27th of this month, and we'll return by the 3rd of March. I was like, lol, I wouldn't have even known if I hadn't asked what it was about. So, we're going to Goa, yay! That's why I thought there might be a chance to get Gigi back if it's possible.
Also, also, I finally got my nose piercing done today, one more bucket list item ticked off! And I got a new earring for my ear as well.
About yesterday, if I said anything that hurt you or upset you, I'm sorry. I was drunk and emotional.
24 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm sorry I couldn't keep my word about not posting these blogs. I know I told you yesterday's blog was probably the last one, but I couldn't stop myself from writing, it's a part of me now. It's true, I cried a lot in the cab. My eyes search for you, my heart longs for you. I already miss you so much. You told me to text you once I reached Bangalore airport, but you never responded. I waited the whole day, but you didn't say a word. I don't know what to make of it.
I didn't go to the office today, I wasn't feeling great, so I worked from home, as I told you. I barely got half an hour of sleep on the flight, so I slept after coming back. Woke up around half past twelve, took a meeting, did some work, not much. Told Sachin to bring a bottle in the evening. He brought two, lol.
The whole day, I waited for your response, but nothing. I don't know what to say. Gigi's mother, what was it before today, when you seemed to care? Was it just until that moment? I don't recognize this person you've become, someone who could forget me the very next day after showing you cared yesterday. That's not you. Even if you were busy, you'd take a moment to think of me if you cared enough.
Well, whatever it is, I'll do my part and ask, are you okay? How do you feel after meeting me? What changed after seeing me?
I won't lie, until 3 AM, while I was drinking with Sachin, I thought about calling you. But later, I wondered if that's not what you want. Maybe you don't want anything to do with me anymore. It hurts, eh.
Also, there's a song I recently listened to, you should too, if you want. It's a Coke Studio song called Jhol.
23 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I didn't want to leave Raipur. I didn't want to leave you. Meeting you after so long, after going through so much, felt like finally breathing after drowning. It was like dying every single day just to live one moment with you. But it just wasn't enough. It was everything I had prayed for every single day. Time flew by so fast, I couldn't get enough of you. This morning, I woke up early, thinking about when you'd call me. I even got ready in advance so that whenever you called me for breakfast, I'd be good to go. I tried getting tulips for you. I really wanted to, more than anything. Maybe some other right time, who knows, haha. I will never forget getting you tulips. I was so eagerly waiting for you that I stood outside the door. And when you arrived with all that sexy swag, oof, I was swayed. I didn't mind being your passenger princess, haha. I'd gladly be that forever. Sitting beside you in the car felt like, "Aaj kuch toofani karte hain," haha. And I want that toofani you in my life forever. Having brunch with you, feeding you with my hands, I missed that. I missed making you smile because your smile is what puts one on my face. That's what truly makes me happy. You make me a better man.
And this is for your father, I wanted to touch his feet, but he was on the other side of the table. Please tell him thank you for having me again. Nice place you've got. It will be beautiful once it's completed. Tell him the resort will turn out to be an amazing place. I know you will turn it into something magical, just like how you turned my life into a magical land. Your touch was all it was missing. I am so proud of everything you're doing in life. You inspire me even more now, to do crazy and great things. Please always stay beside me so that I can turn my life around too.
Our OTT hangout reminded me of those times when we'd go out, have a few drinks, sit, chill, talk, and just stare at each other. I know there was a lot you wanted to say but didn't know how. It's okay, I get it. Whatever you did say touched my heart. Just do what you love. Listen to your heart, it's kind and pure. It will take you to all the places you dream of, all the places you desire. Keep going, my love. Keep going no matter what.
Visiting all those places with you in just one day, I didn't expect that. Thank you for giving me these new memories. I will carry them with me forever. The Marine Drive was beautiful, and walking beside you felt like taking a walk on the beach.
Everything you gave me in these two days, all the love, I don't know how to handle it. Even as I write this, I'm crying in the cab, lol. I cried at the airport when I saw you for the last time, not knowing what happens next or when in this life I'll get to see you again. I couldn't even focus on that one touch of your hug because I was too busy giving you the bracelet. I really wanted you to have it.
You asked me a few questions, but the answer to all of them is one: I love you.
I did come for you. I came for love.
p.s. I controlled alot not to call you today.
22 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've told you about my day, but not what happened inside me. Before calling you, my hands were shaking, and my heart was racing at full speed. Hearing your voice say, "Aaja," made me sprint to change my clothes, I've never dressed so fast, haha. I even asked the cab driver to wish me luck, and he did, haha.
The moment I saw you, I wanted to hug you tightly, but I guess you didn't want that… ouch. It took me a while to regain my senses, you completely overwhelmed me. Even though I imagined meeting you every day, nothing compared to seeing you in real life. I wanted to cry and hug you because I had finally met you. There was so much I wanted to say, and I tried, but I guess you didn't want to hear it.
I wanted to tell you that I love you so much and that I've missed you all along. When you asked why I came to Raipur, well, first, because you live here. I would have gone anywhere just to be where you are, no matter what. The second reason was for myself, to feel the happiness of seeing you, even if it was for the last time. I didn't come to make things harder for you. I never wanted you to cry. I just want you to be happy, always. Lol, the first time I met you after so long, and I ended up making you cry, sorry. But I hope you liked everything I gathered for. And if you didn't, well… you're the boss, haha. Tomorrow, I'll leave Raipur. I just wish I had more time with you, to see your face a little longer. Today was both the happiest and saddest day of my life, because I finally saw you, and yet, it might be the last time. This day will always stay with me, my greatest adventure.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, you looked beautiful and hot. Seeing you brought back a flood of memories. You also mentioned changing the website password, don't worry, I'll stop posting if it bothers you that much. But I will never stop writing. Maybe this time, I'll start a real journal.
Tomorrow is my last day with you, and probably my last blog as well. It hurts, a lot but there's nothing I can do. I can't change your mind or heart. And if there's anything in the world to change your mind I'll take it. But you, without a doubt, have changed a lot in me. You've given me real strength. So, I'll try to be happy. And for that, I will always cherish you :)
I had something written down that I was supposed to put in the card. It's not complete, but maybe some things are better left unsaid. Anyway, here it is:
Beloved Jaan,
Lol, I've never given you a card before. So here's my first one.
It's been a while, months since I've talked to you or seen your face. But you've always been with me, in my heart. I wanted to text or call every day, but I never had the strength. So, I dedicated myself to what you told me. No teacher, no friend, not even my parents have taught me as much as you have. You helped me get through the bad times. You inspired me every day. And I loved you every day. Because of you, I've become someone. And I want to become even more. I never want to stop working on myself. I never want to stop learning. I never want to give up. I never want to let myself down.
I don't know what the future holds, but I really wish it holds my hand in yours for a lifetime. I don't know if you still have any love for me, but I hope there's some left…
21 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, It was just a fine day. I had slept around 2 AM and still woke up on time for work. Office was okay as well, but I had quite a few tasks to complete before my flight, a flight to somewhere. So, I left early to pick up a fresh pair of my favorite shoes.
SuperKicks was 1.2 km from my office, so I walked there. I got my shoes because, even though I had ordered them online, the delivery was scheduled for later. After shopping, the shoes were packed in a tote bag, my first tote bag, lol.
I got back home, took a bath, and ate Subway. Then I called Sachin. He came over, and we went to get my clothes ironed. After that, we returned and ordered some food. It took forever to arrive, by the time it did, it was around 11 PM, and we had Pepsi’s party to attend as well. When we got there, there were about 25 people crammed into a tiny 1BHK, total hotbox, lol. We drank and talked. I got back home around 4 AM, knowing I had an early morning flight. I set an alarm for 5 AM. Next thing I knew, I woke up around 6:30 AM, on the toilet seat, peeing. And I was like, "Fuck..." Realizing there was no way I was catching my flight, I quickly booked another one. But that meant I'd only reach Raipur around 7:30 PM.
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm sorry, it's my first time missing a flight, lol.
20 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I woke up around 8:15 AM, half an hour before my alarm. I'm not sure if you might have heard anything from Ria by now. Please bless me with your presence, it would mean a lot to me. I hope you understand and forgive me, Gigi's mother.
After talking to Ria, I've been feeling a bit low. I didn't eat anything the whole day; my hunger just disappeared. To get through the day, I only had coconut water and black coffee. I came home early and spoke to a graphic designer, coincidentally his name is also Himanshu, lol. He is the son of a session court judge. The judge asked my father to consult me on how I could guide Himanshu. My father forwarded his resume to me, and I told him to ask Himanshu to call me. Since I didn't call him yesterday as I told I'll do later. So, I decided to call him today. I gave him a harsh reality check about his resume and designs. I also told him how much he needs to work hard and how to dream big, because when you prepare for something great, you at least achieve something good, something worthwhile. He thanked me and said no one had ever told him the things I did. Later, I called my mum, even though I wasn't really having any energy. I was trying to get into workout mode while sipping coffee. Despite not eating anything the whole day, I still went to the gym. After my workout, we met Pepsi and Peeragadi, they're a couple. It's Pepsi's birthday tomorrow, so we're going to have a party. Unfortunately, I don't have much time, iykyk. Oh Gigi's mother "bahut kuch batyaana hai tumse re"…
19 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother! So, Abhay went to the UAE early this morning for 10 days. I woke up around 5ish to say goodbye and close the door behind him. Then I went back to sleep and woke up again around 9. And on top of everything, getting a cab, dealing with traffic, my God! It was okay at the office; did some work. Came home, it was a mess, so I cleaned up, drank coffee, took my pre-workout, and went to the gym. I called Sachin to join me at the gym. He picked me up, we worked out together, and then went to Coffee Makers. Aryan joined us too, he's from around here. His girlfriend, who's studying at NIFT, is from Haryana (she's a Jaat), and his best friend is a Mallu, lol. Not knowing what to eat, we went to Aryan's place. His girlfriend and her two friends were already there. We sat around till about midnight. Then I told Sachin I'd make an omelet at home. We came back, but instead of cooking, we ordered paneer paratha. Since then, we've been watching The Night Manager, and now it's 4 AM, lol. I wanna sleep, but Sachin is completely hooked on the series, I regret making him watch it now, lol. Anyway, good night, love. Oh, and I finally ordered those Onitsuka Tiger shoes, yay, finally!
18 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I took WFH today. Abhay is going to the UAE for 10 days, so he wanted to go shopping. I told the office I wasn’t feeling well, lol. All I did was a design handoff to the developers. Then I went to the gym at Cult with Abhay. Later, we got Sachin to join us for shopping. Sachin is another friend from Haryana, so all our friends are from there, which really connects us. I got to know them through Abhay, and now we're good, hanging out every day. We went to Forum Mall because I also wanted to buy those shoes I keep postponing, which I urgently need, but I couldn't find them there as well. They did some shopping, though. After that, we went to Coffee Makers, where we usually hang out. Then we came back, and I helped Abhay pack. Also, I come bearing good news, I've finalized a place, and it's none other than Abhay's flat! It's a 3BHK, beautiful, within my budget, and comes with two cats! His flatmate is moving out, so it worked out perfectly. We're planning to get a PS5, paintings, and other things for the flat. His second flatmate just moved in two days ago, he's the Director of Learning at GeeksforGeeks, which is a big position. Interestingly, his company is a competitor of mine. I feel like my friend circle has improved, everyone is in great positions. One is a Marketing Manager, another is a developer, another is a college student working on his startup, and Abhay is the Head of Sales at Crib. Another friend is also in a good position. In fact, Abhay knows a lot of startup CEOs and has helped me a lot, not everyone does that!
17 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I feel like I'm going to catch a cold. It seems to be heading that way. Yesterday, I had a lemon soda, it was cold but not too chilly. I also ate pav bhaji, which upset my stomach. See, that's why I don't like eating junk food anymore.
I was bored at the office today, but before leaving, I played foosball with my colleagues since they asked me to. It was my first time playing, but unfortunately, I strained my palm and ankle. After coming home, I did some room cleaning. I also made some plans, I'll tell you about them later. Lol. I'm still searching for a place; hopefully, I'll find one by the end of the week.
16 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you, my love? How are you doing? Oh dear, ojkabfkigf.
I woke up early because the new tenant of the room I'm staying in (Abhay's place) was supposed to move in but he came late so I did some work. Later Abhay, me and his date made dal, roti, and raita. I made the rotis, and Abhay's date made the dal. Others joined in eventually. It was a good brunch, haha. Then we chilled for a while. You know, even though I have friends around, inside, it's just silence. I don't know, Gigi's mother, but ever since I came back to India and then to Bangalore, I've been terrified of losing you even more. I'm trying, but please help me, help me save the greatest love story of this era. I have tried, I am trying, and I will keep trying. I want to be that lucky guy who weds you and takes care of you forever.
You know, I'm always third-wheeling couples, haha. Later, we went out to hang out at Chaitini. We had coffee and ate something. Actually, our plan was to go bowling, but these lazy asses were too lazy.
15 February 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, Last night, Abhay, his friends and I sat down to watch Laal Rang. We each had a glass as well. By the time I went to sleep, it was morning, and I woke up around noon. After waking up, I took a bath and then got to work. Later, Abhay and I made an omelet. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, I got two cool CodeChef t-shirts yesterday. They fit well! I also did some cleaning, both the kitchen and my room. These catos just won't leave me alone, lol. And I forgot to dedicate a song for Valentines Day which I had in mind! Actually, I would have loved to sing it for you, but I can't at the moment. So here it is, Only You (And You Alone) by The Platters.
Only you can make, oh, this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you
Oh-only you can make, oh, this change in me
For it's true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand, I understand the magic that you do
You're my dream come true, my one and only you
14 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, so today is the D(not yet) V-day, Happy Valentine's Day, my love ❤︎.
I have loved you, still love you, and always will. I believe you really are the one. I've just been out of luck for a while now. You are my charm, my Goddess.
You know, I saw your new DP on WhatsApp, and it's just a dream come true. Remember how I used to tell you to get a nose piercing, but you never did? And look at you now, Sundari. Please marry me already. Mujhe riha kar le ja apne saath.
Today was fun at the office. We played Scribble, the whole team. They play it once in a while. I didn't win but made the best scribbles, haha.
I hope you're happy but also miss me sometimes, na? Bless me with your presence once, you Omnipotence.
Anyway, I bless you with all my love, not just today but every single day of my life.
Happy
Valentines
Day ❤︎
👑
my queen
13 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, your kiss is bliss. Kissing you has always touched my soul deeply. Please come and kiss me like you missed me. Happy Kiss Day, my love. Here are some kisses from my side, even though every bone and fiber of my being urges me to hold your face and just kiss you. I miss you a lot. Every day, on my way to the office and back home, I pass by all the streets we walked together, especially 2419. When I return home, I feel so empty…
Work was busy today. I delivered two design tasks for development. I came home, sat down for a while, and then Abhay came back. Today, we made an omelet at home. After that, I said goodnight to you.
Goodnight, my love.
12 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today is Hug Day. So, where are you? Why aren’t you giving me a long, warm hug? You know, there's this picture of us that shows how happy I am in your arms. There's no place I've been where I've felt the peace and comfort of home, except in your embrace. Oh dear, come now, hug me. I'm waiting…
Also, I got my first design task today, actually, the task for the whole of February. I came home late from the office, then just sat on the balcony trying to watch something, but couldn't get into anything. I waited for Abhay to come because we eat together every day. But he came late, and it turns out he had already eaten, lol. So, we smoked one, and I ordered an omelet and paneer paratha. It gets so late just to have dinner nowadays. And the traffic! And then just before sleeping I say, I love you through these words.
11 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today is Promise Day. So promise me you'll love me, and I promise you that I'll become a better man than I was yesterday. (I already try every day, lol, just like how, deep down, you still love me.) But here I am, promising that I'll never let you down or myself. I promise to keep you happy for the rest of our life. I promise to love and cherish you in every possible way ;)
My second day was kinda boring too. We discussed the roadmap today, so I'll probably start my first design task by tomorrow. Getting a cab and dealing with traffic is the hardest task of them all, lol. I tried talking to people in the office, two of them spoke to me nicely. Oh, did you hear Kika passed away yesterday? So sad. She was the first cat I kissed, and you even recorded that cute video.
I miss you a lot here, every day. Everywhere I go, it just echoes with your name and all those beautiful memories.
10 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, so what day is it today, my rarest rabbit? It's Teddy Bear Day today. Well, I'm not sure you'd like a teddy bear. But you know, I just saw a post on pinterest and it matches with fierceness you have, (well nothing can beat you), but it's something I would imagine as well you receiving a teddy and sitting beside it but in a way ;) that's the hottest… By the way, where I'm living right now, there are two teddy bear-like cats. They're so adorable.
Today was my first day at work. Didn't do much, they gave me two books to read and the KT. Honestly, being in Bangalore makes me feel even lonelier because you're not here. This isn't how I imagined it to be.
Anyway, I came back around 7:30. Watched something, talked to a guy about a flat, then went out to eat with Abhay and Sachin. We went to High Street and later to Abhay's friend's house. They were smoking, so we sat there for a while. Now I'm back.
Today, I felt that rush-the feeling of waiting to leave the office and go home to you. I tell you, it's in Bangalore's air. You are my Bangalore. You are my home ❤︎
one of them :)
7 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, it has started, the Valentino week. Happy Rose Day, my love. Here's a rose for my Tulip. It may not be a real one, but you get the idea. I'd buy you flowers every day if I could, if you let me, not just for today. And for today, I'd buy you two, haha.
I'm so tired; I've been on my feet all day with little to no sleep. My head is bursting, and my body temperature is slightly up. Must be the weather change. Just wave your hand over my forehead, and everything will feel better ;) I called an old friend, thinking we'd meet today, but I guess he's busy with his life. He said he'd meet this evening, but it didn't happen. I wish I could call you and come over. But I don't even know if you'd pick up, let alone agree to meet. Maybe you would, maybe you wouldn't, never know unless I try. haha
6 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you, love? How's everything at home? How are your parents? Bhailog? I hope you’re all doing well, especially you. I... want to tell you so many things, yet I can't. But just know, it's all good things. Time is passing so fast-what it was one day, what it is today, and what it will be tomorrow.
I went to meet Vipul to bid him farewell, my best pal. I've ticked two things off my bucket list. I feel good about it, but at the same time, it makes me emotional because they meant so much to me. I know what it was all along. I had to cancel the Nykaa order as well because it was getting delayed, and I couldn't wait around all day for it to arrive. Prisha gave me a small doll figure to keep with me always, haha. She kept giving me so many things-whatever she could find at home. She really loves me a lot, and I love her too. She cares for me so much, pampers me a lot. She's really my mumma and I her baby, that's what we call each other. But wait she recently had learned that slang "bro" word as well,lol.
What will I do without her? What will I do without you? Why do the people we truly love leave us, Gigi's mother?
5 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I don't know how to put this, but I feel nervous and excited at the same time. Well, I can't tell you right now what exactly it is, but it made my mum and Prisha cry. Even I feel a bit emotional, not gonna lie. By the way, my parents came back this morning from their Kumbha trip and other adventures. Prisha also joined us later in the evening. I had promised her last time that I'd order fries from McDonald's for her, but instead, she made me order white sauce pasta. Clever kid, haha. Now we're about to watch The Simpsons. Believe me, that show is just hilarious. Also, I returned the shoes because they turned out to be a different model, which I didn't notice carefully. I mean, they looked exactly like the ones I've always worn, but they were different. So, I had to order from Nykaa this time. Oh, and I added 5-6 more songs to the playlist, which I forgot to give an honorary mention to, haha, so suit yourself! I also had that “funny” business meeting today. It sure didn't turn out to be that funny in the end.
Anyway, Gigi's mother, pray for me. May the things I'm heading toward lead me to the place I've always wanted to be.
4 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Finally, I got some good sleep. I woke up around 11-ish and still wanted to sleep more, felt lazy the entire day. Well, I made up for three sleepless nights in one go, haha. I drank quite a lot last night too. You know, my new shoes came in today. Not the Onitsuka Tiger ones-there's still some time for those, but yeah, they'll arrive soon, probably within a month. These ones, well, you know me very well. Guess which ones I love? Haha, keep guessing, you'll probably get it right on the first try! Also, I've been listening to Mac Miller a lot lately, so I thought I'd make a playlist for you in case you want to check out this gem of an artist. He's really good! Maybe my third favorite-Kanye will always be at the top for me, followed by Fred Again. I'll actually make you a mixtape! I keep exploring new music, and you're the only person I truly love listening to music with and sharing. For now, here's my Mac Miller playlist. Actually, it should be called Mac Killer, haha. (P.S. I did name it Mac Killer.) My favorites from it are Hand Me Downs and Circles. Just love them. One day, Gigi's mother, maybe we'll sit or lie down together and listen to all the music we have to share and just cherish those moments.
Here's the playlist I made - Mac Killer
3 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Okay, so I didn't sleep last night. But wait, before I go there, I have a confession to make, and it's only to you, no one else knows about this. Last night, I ordered food from a restaurant. Please forgive me. I know I said nothing from outside, but my mum wasn't here… though that's not really an excuse. In my defense, I hadn't eaten anything since morning, and I only ordered a roti and sabzi at night. Plus, I worked my ass off until 7 AM, literally, I didn't sleep the whole night. I was working on the project. It's been 2-3 days now since I've had proper sleep or any sleep, for that matter. I finished my work at 7 AM today and got an hour or so of sleep before the housemaid came and my mum called. After that, I just couldn't sleep. At least I got all my work done. Later this evening, I went to my friend's reception, met some old school friends, and drank with them. It was a reunion I didn't want but turned out to be pretty okay, lol.
You know, Gigi's mother, it would be a lie if I said I didn't shed a tear or two in your memory past days. It's been a long time since I did, because I've always been in control. But lately, you've taken over me. You win, yaar. Now come back, na.
2 February 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, I feel so tired and a bit irritated, probably due to very little sleep and too much booze yesterday.
So, yesterday my sister was out with her friends, and she kept insisting that I join them once I was done with the wedding. But by the time I got there, they had all fallen asleep at her friend's flat. So, I came back home and slept.
This morning, my sister came by and told me to come along as she was heading back to her friend's flat. I said no because I had work to do. But after leaving home, she insisted so much, saying, "Deep is going back home, come meet him!" Deep used to study with my sister in college, so we were friends as well. Well, then I took a quick bath, packed my stuff, and went. As soon as I reached, I just started working while they planned to go to Leopard's Trail and horse riding. I didn’t want to go but had no choice. We had a convoy of three Thars and one Jaguar, haha. When we reached, they went horse riding while I tried my best to work. After that, we went on the Leopard's Trail - a nice place with a long, curvy road surrounded by small hills. Then we sat at a really nice open-roof cafe with a great view. It reminded me of that time in Goa when you, me, Varun, and Sona were sitting near the sea before we boarded the bus. What a lovely evening it was, you beside me, the sea, good friends, good food, and some booze. And now, after coming home, I've been working, and I feel like crying because I miss you so much, re.
1 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother just came back from the wedding. I'm so sleepy; my eyes hurt. I didn't sleep last night either because I was working on the project. And even now, I don't think I'll get much sleep since I still need to work on it. We drank the whole way to Karnal, where the wedding was. The trip took around four hours, lol. I don't even remember how much I drank today. We danced a lot, actually, more than a lot. I was starving and had wedding food, but just roti and sabzi, I promise, nothing else. The best part was the trip, though, old school friends, after so long. Oh, Gigi's mother, I miss you so much. Seeing my friend get married today made me want to marry you so badly. Marry me, please. I'll take care of you my whole life, never leave your side, and always keep you safe and happy. You make me happy, and you deserve everything. I love you sooo much. ❤︎
31 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, How are you, love? How's everything going? I hope you're doing well.
You know, today has been good, it's been kind to me. But I still have a lot of work to finish, and it'll probably cost me tonight's sleep. Tomorrow, I have to attend my friend's wedding. I'm going to party and dance in his baraat. Vipul, I, and two other old school friends are going. Also, my parents are going to Prayagraj for Kumbh and some other places; they'll be back in about three days.
Oh, and one important thing I forgot to tell you, I woke up this morning and saw that my website was featured on the Wall of Portfolios! Damn, it feels like an achievement. But that's not the only highlight of my day, well, this one's for later, for next time.
Anyway, good night! See you later. :)
30 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, you won't believe who I met today! Even I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that person. So, I was at the gym, busy with my workout, when a guy entered the basement. I had just finished a set, and as I stood up, I realized he looked like Gaurav Taneja (Flying Beast—the influencer). It took me a moment to confirm, so I asked the trainer if it was really him. Since he was working out just like any other regular person, I wasn't sure at first. And he said yes, he came for the gym promotion, and he often visits as well. Next, I went up to him and called out, "Gaurav sir!" But he had AirPods on, so he didn't hear me. Then I just gave him a look, haha, and he bro-fisted me. I asked how he was, told him I had seen his Shark Tank pitch, and mentioned that I had watched a few of his YouTube videos. I told him they were inspiring and all that. Then, another person approached him for a selfie. After they took their photo, I thought, Usually, I don't bother taking pictures because I don't want to intrude, but this time, I'll make an exception to show Prisha and you. So yeah, we took a photo, lol. When I got home and showed it to Prisha, she was so excited! Of course, she knew him from YouTube.
Also, you won't believe this, there's a guy at my gym who looks exactly like your father. No kidding! He even wears a cap and has a similar body structure. At one point, I actually thought, What's Uncle doing here? Haha.
And about yesterday, remember how I told you I wished I could come home, you'd hug me, and we'd watch something together? Well, the other love of my life, Prisha, surprised me, and I had to watch Moana 2 with her. But then, she got bored, ditched me, and went to sleep.
29 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, the meeting I was talking about yesterday kept me on my toes the whole day, even before it actually took place. I don't think I've ever stressed this much over a meeting, it must have meant a lot to me. And when it finally happened, you won't believe it, everyone suddenly decided to bother me at that exact moment! My mom, my dad, my sister, and even a relative, haha. The only time I'm not available, that's when everyone seems to need me. It really bugged me, though.
Now, I have a headache and a backache. It's one of those days where I just wish I could come home to you, find you waiting for me, and you'd hug me and kiss me, just like you did when we were living together. Then we'd cuddle and watch a good romantic movie. I'd watch anything you want, anything at all. I won't throw any tantrums, I promise, just watch something with me, please, even just once.
You know, I was watching something earlier and heard this song again, How Can You Mend a Broken Heart by Al Green. It brought tears to my eyes. This song is very dear to me, and I bet if you listen to it, it might bring a tear or two to yours as well. So if you decide to listen, well, do it at your own risk. But don't say I didn't warn you. I just wanna say I love you mahn, I miss you every single moment of my life.
28 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, the day started off okay. I had one call in the morning, and later in the evening, I got another call. That evening call kind of intimidated me, and now I'm nervous about tomorrow's call, which is the most important one. Today's call made it clear that there's a lot of work to do before tomorrow's, but I’m just not in the right frame of mind at the moment. I feel a bit restless.
I think I'll sleep early tonight and wake up around 1 or 2 a.m. With a fresh mind, I should be able to get some good work done. This week is packed with meetings and other related work, and you know the struggle is a hundred times harder without you. Gigi's mother, having you by my side would make everything so much easier. Honestly, 99% of my life's problems would be solved just by you being here with me.
Pray for me, will you? Pray that I get what I desire the most, haha, you know what I'm talking about. You do, yes, you.
27 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been having two kinds of dreams lately. Weird and beautiful ones. So first one there's this large open area near my old house, and my whole family was there. We got news that Godzilla and Mechagodzilla would be fighting in that area, and there was a good chance our house could end up in the line of collateral damage. I was explaining to my family that I had a shelter prepared away from there, but no, they were more interested in watching the fight. And honestly, it was a sight to see, lol. The other dreams are about you. Almost every now and then, you come into my dreams, and we kiss and every single time, it feels just like our first kiss. It blows me away. I feel like melting into you. These dreams wake me up around 4 a.m., and falling back to sleep isn't easy. They keep rewinding in my head, over and over again.
The other day, I was scrolling through Pinterest for work inspiration, and I came across something. Does it remind you of anything? It looks so much like your first flat, where we used to live together. Oh, those were the most beautiful and happiest days of my life. Sleeping by your side every day felt like we had fused into one being. So many memories, Gigi's mother, so many, in such a short time. Woman, I don't know anything else in this world that can make me happy except you. You are my reminder that I can be the happiest.
26 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, did you watch Coldplay's concert? Oh my goodness, let me tell you, it was such a lovely concert! It was so good that it actually made me a bit emotional, no kidding. I missed you so much; blame his voice, the lyrics, and the music for that. He even called a couple on stage to sing along. Oh, Gigi's mother, can't we be that couple? Please, let's attend concerts together, love each other, and cherish those moments. I'm telling you, any concert with you would be heavenly. I watched the entire concert till the end, and he wrapped it up beautifully with "A Sky Full of Stars." He sang so many nostalgic songs. My favourite Coldplay song is Magic. What's yours? Ahh… I love you so much, Gigi's mother.
By the way, tomorrow is my friend's Haldi, but I don't think I can make it because I have an important meeting, the same funny business I was telling you about. But, Gigi's mother, I see people around me getting married or spending time with their partners, and it really hurts. It hurts so much that the person I love feels so far away from me :,(
25 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother had another good day, and that too, on a Saturday, haha. I got some good work done today. It feels like I've turned into a design doctor, lol. I also had a great workout and a delicious lunch. You know, whenever Prisha visits on weekends, my mum prepares all her favourite dishes, so we get treated as well.
I also picked up a book from my sister's shelf, The World's Greatest Speeches. It's quite serious, haha, but it's a great read to get inspired by some of the greatest orators who ever lived. The book shares so much about the world, its people, and different cultures.
You won't believe what just happened! Our Wi-Fi went down for no apparent reason, and now everyone's stranded on their phones. My mother took her phone from Prisha and so Prisha started whispering Adele's song, "Send My Love," from the next room to irritate my mother. I was like, this kid is way ahead of her time, haha. So I called her into my room, and we ended up singing along to Adele together.
Lastly, tomorrow is Coldplay's live show telecast on Disney+ Hotstar. Hope you'll attend it, because I'll be there as well, haha. So… I'll see you under a sky full of stars!
24 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I had a good day today after so long. And by a good day, I mean a very productive one, lol. You know, something interesting happened today, it's funny as well. I'll tell you all about it once it goes through. It's worth sharing. I had a great dinner too. No, not from outside, haha. You know I don't eat anything from outside. The guilt that comes after eating outside food isn't worth it. But sometimes, I feel like having a McAloo Tikki, my favourite. I miss how much we used to eat it together, we used to just hog on McDonald's. Ordering food for you gave me more joy than eating it myself. I miss ordering good food for you because you can't deny my choices were really good. I got that idea from you, lol. Whenever you used to get mad at me, I'd just order good food, and you'd be alright. I wish ordering good food could sort things out now. If only it were that easy.
23 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you? Are you okay? I worry about you, not exactly worry, I should say, but I wonder if you're doing good. I hope you are, because I really care.
I saw a cat today, and it reminded me of our Gigi. Oh, Gigi, such a pain in the ass, haha, but ours. Do you know what a great family looks like? You, me, and Gigi. I love you both so much. I say it almost every day, but I don't think it makes much of a difference to you anymore. But it does to me. I have, do, and will always love you because you are someone who has done so much for me. You've changed me a lot. You've made me who I am today. You brought out the best in me. You helped me see myself. I wish I could get the chance to do the same for you. No, seriously, Gigi's mother, I really want to do everything in my power to bring out the best in you. I hope you believe that. I hope you still believe in us, like I do. You may or may not be reading this, but I hope deep down you believe that one day I will make all the miracles we believed in happen. There are so many days when I feel down, wishing I could just turn to you, talk about it, and feel better. It's not that you're not there, you are, even when you're not physically present. You're always within me. That's enough to survive those moments. No one has mattered to me as much as you do. No one has made me feel alive the way you have. That's why I choose you, over and over. You may believe it or not, but my belief in us hasn't wavered since the day I first felt for you. I hope you still have some belief left in us.
Also there's this song I've been listening to lately it's called- blue by Yung kai, it's a nice one, listen to it. I love you, everyday a little more ❤︎
22 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, ajji sunti ho kya? sun rhi ho kya? I love you so much, haha. Sorry, I'm a bit tipsy today, I won't lie to you. I would never lie to you. I miss you, like, a lot. Everything reminds me of you. I try hard to tame my feelings for you, but I never can, they run wild within me. I'm not myself anymore; I feel like I'm just you. You know there's a line by Shri Lata Ji: "Kal kya pata unke liye aankhein taras jayengi", Madam, forget my eyes; I've been yearning for you entirely, haha. Have you seen the movie John Carter? In it, John searches for a medallion to go back to his queen on Mars, and it takes him years to find it. But once he does, all it takes is a phrase, "Ock ohem ocktei wies Barsoom", to teleport him back to her. It feels the same for me. I long to return to my queen, to you. Only, there are other things I need to do before I can even say those words, lol. I wish you could understand me, see me, listen to me, even just once. If only, for once, you could say,“I love you, Himanshu,” or even call me jaan.
I don't think I can ever be the same joyous person I was when I was with you. I mean, I get it, I made mistakes. I was stupid. But I was feeling something I had never felt before, something I loved within myself, something I was proud of. Gigi's mother, you are my pride.
Okay, I'll stop now, otherwise, I won't, and this will never end. What won't end? Well, the love and everything I feel for you.
21 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, my girl in red, remember this song? Just so you know, this is the fourth song here. I heard it somewhere, though I can't recall exactly where, but what I did remember while listening to it was you. I remember when you posted that boomerang where you had colored your hair red and used this song. You meant it for me, and I was so stupid to realize the meaning later when you pointed it out. Lol.
I miss those small things you did for me. That boomerang was so beautiful, you with your red hair, looking so elated. I love it when you're that happy. All I want to do is just keep looking at you, wishing time would stop. Do you still color your hair? What color is it now? You really are the Clementine to my Joel. I wish I could see you smile at me, even just once. For once, I'd truly feel alive.
Anyway, I met Akmal on Google Meet today. Remember him? My university friend, the senior graphic designer who wanted me to design his portfolio website? We discussed how he wants it done, and it was really nice talking to him after so long.
20 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've got my half shit together, haha. Well, it's something, I'd say! So, I wanted to learn a bit about product management, and I started an online course on it. Plus, I got back to my Japanese lessons, but unfortunately, all my progress wasn't saved. I don't know why, so I had to start all over again. Getting back to it was easier than I thought, I definitely remembered a lot of words! If we ever go to a Japanese restaurant, I'll order in Japanese, haha. The first chapter is all about food, so that worked out well, lol.
I'm down to the last two books I have left to read, so I need to order more. Do you read much? Any suggestions? It's been ages since I've read any fiction, it's all nonfiction for me lately. Even my sister's bookshelf has a lot of good books, mostly about India and politics, I think I might borrow some from her.
Oh, and did you know Amazon Prime has something similar to Love, Death + Robots? It's called Secret Level. I watched two episodes, they're about 10–15 minutes each, with different stories and high-level graphics/visuals. It reminded me of how you got me to watch Love, Death + Robots. I still think of those times when we watched it in the dark room of your old flat. I miss it. To all the places we've lived together and called home, you are my home, my love ❤︎
19 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I held a paintbrush after so long. Prisha and I were sunbathing on our terrace, and she brought over her homework. It was something related to a trip to the moon, printed pages meant to be filled with colors. I took one sheet and started painting. It felt good, lol. Then I had this idea of you and me painting each other as a fun couple's activity. I wish we get a chance to do such fun things together.
Also, my mum made pizza-paratha, lol. It wasn't bad, it actually had some taste, though I'm still not sure what, haha.
Lastly, I've made some decisions to turn my life around starting tomorrow. I'm going to be harder on myself because I think I've been too careless for a while. No more wasting time!
18 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been busy today with a small project I took on. It's a very interesting topic, and I'll show it to you once it's done. Later this evening, I thought of asking that friend I made at Anthony's concert. I texted him, and he even invited me, but he and his friends were heading to Delhi Socials. I declined because I can't stay over or come back late, lol.
17 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm kind of done with myself, again. I'm just tired of it all. So, I tried designing something cool that would help me explore better visuals. The goal is to attract more attention, especially from people seeking striking visual work, companies that value strong visual understanding. So instead of sitting around doing nothing, I'm finally getting my life together. After all, it takes nothing to achieve nothing, but it takes everything to achieve something truly worth having and fighting for.
16 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you, my love? I miss you so much. My heart is all yours, I'm all yours. You know, I went to Vipul's today to escape the everyday stress. We played badminton again. He told me one of our friends is getting married this February. He came back from Canada just to get married, lol.
People are getting married... so when are we? Gigi's mother, I can't imagine marrying anyone else but you. You are my woman, yes, you are. You may deny it, but you are. Just see it, please.
Anyway, I came back and wanted something to drink, something strong for my mind and heart. So, I went out, got a quarter of Bacardi white rum, mixed it in my water bottle, and drank it all. This is the only time I listen to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan Sahab's ghazals. Ah, his ghazals are love. You are love, my love. I love you so much. Come back, eh?
15 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I couldn’t sleep last night. Thoughts of you kept me awake the entire time. It feels like it’s been so long, and I just want to see you so badly. I hope that day comes soon—very soon.
I had a meeting with the VP of the company. He seemed completely disinterested and was even five minutes late. I made some changes to the website. Previously, I hadn’t mentioned the success metrics of Crib, which are very important to highlight, so I added them. I also included the achievements the app has received.
These days, I’m not entirely sure how I feel, but one thing is certain—without you, I’m not truly happy.
14 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been both busy and lazy, lol. I had a few calls to attend to and have several more lined up for tomorrow and possibly the entire week. Interestingly, tomorrow's call is with the same people who once rejected me, haha. It feels good when people come back after rejecting me initially, they eventually recognize my potential. It makes me believe in myself even more. But somehow, I felt a bit sad because I missed you more than usual today. It's like dying a little every day just to live for that one day when I can see you. Just a glimpse of you, sharing the same space with you even for a moment, means everything to me. I really love you, Gigi's mother, and I’m sorry for everything.
13 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, happy Lohri, my love! Lohri has one important significance beyond harvesting, it's about new beginnings. I wish for good things to come your way and for you to always feel loved (which you already are, lol).
By the way, I've updated and posted my newly redesigned website on LinkedIn. One of my university friends, Akmal, texted me saying he loved it and wants me to design his portfolio too. Imagine this: he's a lead graphic designer at a Manchester design agency, and he wants me to design his portfolio, lol! And guess what? He's ready to pay as well.
Another piece of good news, remember how a company let me down a few days ago? Well, they emailed me saying they want to arrange a meeting with their VP and me, lol. What's up with them?
Anyway, the main reason I redesigned my website was to get your attention. I was hoping that when I posted about it on LinkedIn, you might notice and open Gigi for once. But nothing happened. Well, it's okay, it's not the end of the world and definitely not the end of my love for you or us. I love you every day.
12 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, it's Sunday, and I don't like Sundays at all. They have such lazy vibes, haha. Do you also feel lazy on Sundays? I want to get more done, but it just doesn't happen. My Sundays are the least productive.
Today, I met Shubham after so long. He picked me up, and we didn't do anything special, lol. We just shared our own stories of heartbreak. Do you remember I told you about Shubham's case when you left me? Yeah, the guy whose girlfriend got hitched with someone else, turns out she broke it off, and now Shubham's back with her. I mean, they never stopped talking at all. Lucky bastard. Not everyone gets that lucky!
11 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you? How's everything at home? How's the brand coming along? Have you finalized anything yet? Oh, come on, where are you? Please talk to me; I'm not that bad. I've loved you all along, man. I miss you a lot. I don't know if you feel the same. You know, I was watching this show called Evil, and I Shazamed a nice song. It's called
"Uh-Huh." I couldn't find it on Apple Music but found it on YouTube. It makes me imagine dancing with you with the same passion we used to share. I miss it all. I wish I could do all those things again that we used to do and love so much.
10 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't take my mind off you, constantly thinking about you. It was crazy. I need you so badly, just as any human needs air to breathe. I feel lost, far away from who I was over the past few months. This whole week has been very bad for me. I even caught a cold again. I feel so weak and couldn’t go to the gym either.
But on the bright side, I finally finished redesigning my website. I think it turned out pretty nice compared to what it was earlier. I also optimized a few things layout-wise. What do you think of it?
9 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been busy with the website and didn't do much else today. Oh yes, I met Vipul today. I wanted to clear my mind a bit from all the stress this week has been causing me. It hasn't been a great start to the year. How’s yours going so far?"
8 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I can't take it anymore. I don't know what is happening in my life. It's like I'm losing control of my life. I can't talk much, sorry.
7 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today has been so disappointing. Remember I told you that everything went well with the call? In fact, I was quite sure I would get it since I completed all the rounds with them. But unfortunately, they denied me. After everything I’ve done and after being patient this whole time, this is what they said. I can’t believe it—it hurts so much. Every time I think I’m this close to something good, it turns out to be far away from reality.
6 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I had a dream about you again today. It was so beautiful, and the best part was what you said. You came to me, or somehow we met. I mentioned the page where I write to you every day, and you told me that you know and have also been writing to me every day. I was on my knees, crying. It truly made my entire day. I wish such dreams would come true.
5 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today has been good because I worked on my website redesign. Fun fact: I didn't end up using the font I told you I would, even though I bought Adobe Fonts for it, lol. Hopefully, it will be ready within this week. Anyway, what's up with you? How's Gigi? Are you still in contact with him? Do you get to see him? Don't worry—one day, one day...
4 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, may I say something true? Because the only way to forget would be to lie. I've been going through some issues for a while now, struggling with my feelings for quite some time. I really miss you, yaar... These emotions are weighing heavier than ever, and it hurts. I guess it's been a long time since I've seen you or heard your voice. But the thought of you keeps me going, keeps me alive. I hope good things will come soon. Until then, I'll have to stay strong.
3 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I finished my first book of the year, yay! 23 more to go! I need new books now. I already have my list, so I'll start shopping soon. Also, I had an idea to write an article about how boredom can be good for you. Isn't that fascinating? I'm trying to do better things for myself so I can feel good, stay productive, and somehow improve.
Lol, ever since the New Year, I feel so cold, all I want to do is snuggle under my blanket. But sometimes, I step out for a sunbath to warm up. How are you, anyway? How's the New Year treating you so far? I hope it's going well and keeping you happy.
2 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've decided that this year I'll read more books than I did last year, maybe even 10 times as many, haha. If I read about 8 books last year, which I started halfway through the year, then I should target at least 24 books this year. I know it's not as high a number as it could be, but it's a start.
Also, I had the final round with a company. It went okay, I guess. I did a good job in all the other rounds, so fingers crossed, let's see what comes of it.
With each passing day, I miss you even more. Every single day, I feel like a part of me dies inside just to catch a glimpse of you. To see you is my liberation from this pain, this void, this emptiness. Please, come just once...
1 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, a very Happy New Year to you, my love!
I wish this year and the years to come bring you success, strength, love, and happiness for you and your loved ones. May you achieve all that you desire, and may all your wishes come true. I pray that God protects you from all negativity and fills your life with positive energy and vibrance. Last year was hard for both of us, but I hope this year brings something good for us, a miracle that allows us to find love in each other once again. With that, I want to say, though there are a thousand things I could express, today, I'll take a moment to say:
I love you, Gigi's mother. forever ❤︎
