2026

My every now and then

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5th January, 2026

Oh Gigi's mother, today I'll just let these lyrics sink in, this song wildflower by Billi has all my heart, whenever I listen this I literally sing it with my whole heart, lol.

Things fall apart, and time breaks your heart
I wasn't there, but I know
She was your girl, you showed her the world
You fell out of love, and you both let go

She was cryin' on my shoulder, all I could do was hold her
Only made us closer until July
And I know that you love me, you don't need to remind me
I should put it all behind me, shouldn't I?

But I see her in the back of my mind
All the time
Like a fever, like I'm burning alive
Like a sign

It kind of just has all of it, all of what happened to us, somewhere.

4th January, 2026


Oh Gigi's mother, So today was Sunny's and Rupal's last day here. Sunny will go back to Dubai, and Rupal will go to Mumbai to visit some friends and do some shopping. We all went out to eat poha in the afternoon. We always eat poha from Pohewala, they serve quite a different range of poha. My favourites are missal poha and the Indori one.

You know, last time when me, Abhay and Kashish had gone out to eat there, we saw Divya there. So let me give you some background on Divya. She is the ex of our ex-friend Aryan. Aryan cheated on her. They were in a two-year live-in relationship. Divya is somewhere around 31 years old, and Aryan is 25 or 26, I guess. She earns well, she is a senior developer at Accenture.

So yeah, she met us there, then she sat with us and the topic was obviously Aryan. Well, he isn't our friend anymore either. He is a black spot as a friend, a son, and a partner. Long story about what happened between Aryan and us.

So yeah, man, once we were heading back, I kind of had to give her a ride back to her place. I was on Kashish's scooty, and Abhay had Kashish on his bike. Those fuckers left me halfway. And when I dropped Divya, she started all over again about Aryan. I mean, I get it, what kind of person he is, and karma is going to fuck him, or is fucking him as we speak. She took half an hour of my precious time. I really do not care about Aryan and don't want to waste my time talking about him either. Once I got my chance to sneak away, I went home straight and cursed both Kashish and Abhay for leaving me halfway with her.

Anyways, we played Uno till late night as their flight was early morning, somewhere around 4. It was fun.

3rd January, 2026


Oh Gigi's mother, You know, I thought I was following this year to getting any better, but so far it’s been, I don't know, a bit off. Maybe because Sunny and Rupal are still here, and I'm just more lost and can't be fully myself around them. It's also because of the M. My body has lost a bit of weight, the energy in the gym is also a bit off. The lunch timing is also up and down because of them. I guess it’ll be better once they're gone.

Also, I completed Stranger Things. What a series. I had not watched Season 4 when it came out, the time we were together. I remember we were watching it back then, but I had forgotten what had happened in the previous seasons, so I lost the story. This time, when I went down with the fever, I watched from Season 1 to Season 4 Part A. Now it's all done, and it really got very interesting, especially how the story has been knitted throughout all the seasons. The last season is where you get complete answers as to what and why, haha.

2nd January, 2026


Oh Gigi's mother, So it's been a while, and I have started quite a few things, like writing articles on Medium, tweeting often whenever I feel like, and sometimes posting my thoughts on Pinterest, lol. Yesterday was my second post. It's just a line that struck me some time back, and I had jotted it down in my notes, but finally made a post last night. It goes like: How things come to be, for you and me? It’s self-explanatory, and I'll leave it for you to ponder over.

You know, I really want you to be happy to the fullest, with or without me. But damn, it would be nice to have you in my life, to be the reason for your elation and smile. And just like that, I'd be redeemed from this pain and emptiness.

Talking about pain, today I went to the gym. Yesterday I didn't go because of the downer and because I hadn't eaten much. No energy, no sleep. Today I was feeling fresh. Plus, for a long time I've been thinking of changing my workout plan now. It's been over a year and I've been following a push-pull-leg regime, working out six days a week. I've been advised before as well to work out five days a week in order to gain.

Right now my body looks like a model or influencer, as I've been told multiple times by Jay, our gym coach. Believe me, I'm not trying to exaggerate or show off. I'm not very happy with just lean muscle. There are quite a few weak points, and I need to bulk up a bit. Then the cut would be nice, and after that I’ll train for abs as well. Although my body physique has blessed me with an eight-pack abs layout, they're only visible when posing hard. But I'd still say I don't have abs because I don't train them right now.

So yeah, I changed my plan today, with more sets included for every exercise. I was really tired and could feel a bit of tension in my muscles after the workout.

How things come to be, for you and me?

It's self-explanatory, and I'll leave it for you to ponder over.

You know, I really want you to be happy to the fullest, with or without me. But damn, it would be nice to have you in my life, to be the reason for your elation and smile. And just like that, I'd be redeemed from this pain and emptiness.

Talking about pain, today I went to the gym. Yesterday I didn't go because of the downer and because I hadn't eaten much. No energy, no sleep. Today I was feeling fresh. Plus, for a long time I've been thinking of changing my workout plan now. It's been over a year and I've been following a push-pull-leg regime, working out six days a week. I've been advised before as well to work out five days a week in order to gain.

Right now my body looks like a model or an influencer, as I've been told multiple times by Jay, our gym coach, lol. Believe me 😭, I'm not trying to exaggerate or show off. I'm not very happy with just lean muscle. There are quite a few weak points, and I need to bulk up a bit. Then the cut would be nice, and after that I'll train for abs as well. Although my body physique/genetics has blessed me with an eight-pack abs layout, which are only visible when posed hard. But I'd still say I don't have abs because I don't train them right now.

So yeah, I changed my plan today, with more sets included for every exercise. I was really tired and could feel a bit of tension in my muscles after the workout. Gonna rest today, bye.

1st January, 2026


Oh Gigis mother, A very Happy New Year to you, my love. Yes, you are my love ;)

By the way, I texted you this morning. I would have called, but I guess it's just better this way, where I slip it in a small note and just be glad it got delivered. It gives me some sort of happiness, increases the thrill of my heartbeat. Plus, you know I was on M, it had amplified my emotions and feelings, my heartache. On top of that, during the party somehow me and Kashish got on the topic of the space between you and me, and how unfortunate I am to not get over it yet. Well, I just never let my emotions out or shared what I'm always feeling. But I told her how empty I feel at the end of the day, how badly I want to cry most days now, because of these bottled emotions. That's why I started journaling again. I told her this as well. I told her how it had gotten out of my hands since I stopped registering them.

She also shared her past experience, and boy, oh boy, she had even more bad past experiences. But I'm happy for her and Abhay. She really cares and loves everyone. She told me it was evident to both her and Abhay that I'm not addressing what needs to be addressed, and that I'm getting hurt inside and not letting it out. I mean, what should I say? I changed the topic to avoid any further discussion. See, that's what I do now, I shoo away or avoid such difficult topics. But at least here I can just be myself, so here I am trying to build myself the right way.

Anyways, we all came back home in the morning somewhere between 8–9 AM. Nobody had slept all night. We knew we weren't gonna sleep anyways, but still needed a lot of rest because, you know, the downer. And gosh, this downer, you have no idea. The idea of you had consumed me all night and day.

You know, this year for a change, I actually video called my friends; my mama, mami, nana, nani, bhai-bhabhi, mom and dad. This time I wished them first instead of them texting me first. I video called everyone. It was so good talking to everyone, and the amount of happiness on their faces while talking to me made me feel really good. I had ordered some boxes of sweets for New Year for every family. Then ordered a cake for nani's and nana's side. This year I really wanna lesson the distance I had created from people who really love me. But I got tonsils, shit, I drank 3 cold beers as well last night apart from 4 pegs. And now I have everything: downer, cold, headache, tonsils, and the most important thing to deal with, what's going on inside my mind and heart.

I think this year I really started better. I started by connecting with people who matter. And talking to all of them gave me strength and reason to keep going. It reminded me that my suffering is way smaller compared to what they all have gone through, especially my nani and nana. So for them, for my parents, and for everyone who believes in me and loves me, I'll keep going on. Most importantly, I'll do it for myself because I truly believe I'm made for greater things than just me.